Up until college I used to think my ideas were brilliant, but now I'm too scared to speak up at meetings or conferences. I used to regulate a team of 20-30 people to meet strict deadlines, but now I spend up to 30 minutes on what ends up being a 2 sentence email because I want to come off "diplomatic."
I almost feel like I was better at creative thinking and initiative when there weren't any consequences looming on the other end. It was me in la la land--not a care in the world if it was stupid or not because the ideas I had in high school or in college did not have a budget and they were not at risk of being scrutinized by high powered executives. In college your ideas may have risked getting bad grades or empty stares in discussion sections, but now they have a consequence if not perfectly executed or well thought out.
So temporarily, I've shut up, at least until I figure this thing out. I much prefer taking direction then giving it. Any ideas on how Janet can get her groove back?
Wednesday 7 July 2010
Tuesday 10 November 2009
Rolling with the punches??
I suppose this blog was supposed to take off with a little bit more fervor than dying off in a matter of a month. But i have a post that seems somewhat meaningful to me in more than just a personal blog post kind of way.
Being 23 and already hitting a quarterlife crisis is the scariest thing ever.
I had a panic attack last week after driving home from the pharmacy and thinking if this is what the rest of my life is going to be worked out to be. That I would work somewhere where my services, though useful, are not useful at all. My parents have told me to be more useful when working at the pharmacy but i knew that there was something missing when all the patients were speaking korean or spanish - neither of which i speak comfortably enough in medical terms to help them. So what did i do? I did logistical stuff in the back. Counting, stock, deliveries, phone calls to other retailers, and a little bit of entertaining. I was the radio girl, the clean up girl, and the owner's daughter. It felt essentially like being at home.. but all day... and all day you get nagged.
But this isn't what i wanted.
I hit my crisis on the drive home because i felt like a machine. Something that goes to a job, does it with lifeless motivation, and no real drive - merely to help my parents because they asked me to. I had to be done with this somehow... and somewhere along the line hearing about other people moving forward in the directions that they wanted to was all that could keep me jealous and strive for more. I am 23. still a young 20s something but nevertheless the best years of my life had just passed and people are supposed to be miserable from here on out? I refuse to let that statement get the best of me. I am 23 and I was unhappy with where i was. At a time where my only responsibility is taking out the trash and making sure my dogs are fed, I can take risks, move places, and shake mountains.
So I get a new job.
And how do my parents react? With no support at all. But this one.. i know that it's not an opportunity i can let up merely because my parents are unhappy with me. I know i would be kicking myself if i let this one go and every morning wonder as i get ready for work the "what ifs." But I'm ready to lose, fail or be successful before allowing the what ifs to butt in this time.
Let's go.
Being 23 and already hitting a quarterlife crisis is the scariest thing ever.
I had a panic attack last week after driving home from the pharmacy and thinking if this is what the rest of my life is going to be worked out to be. That I would work somewhere where my services, though useful, are not useful at all. My parents have told me to be more useful when working at the pharmacy but i knew that there was something missing when all the patients were speaking korean or spanish - neither of which i speak comfortably enough in medical terms to help them. So what did i do? I did logistical stuff in the back. Counting, stock, deliveries, phone calls to other retailers, and a little bit of entertaining. I was the radio girl, the clean up girl, and the owner's daughter. It felt essentially like being at home.. but all day... and all day you get nagged.
But this isn't what i wanted.
I hit my crisis on the drive home because i felt like a machine. Something that goes to a job, does it with lifeless motivation, and no real drive - merely to help my parents because they asked me to. I had to be done with this somehow... and somewhere along the line hearing about other people moving forward in the directions that they wanted to was all that could keep me jealous and strive for more. I am 23. still a young 20s something but nevertheless the best years of my life had just passed and people are supposed to be miserable from here on out? I refuse to let that statement get the best of me. I am 23 and I was unhappy with where i was. At a time where my only responsibility is taking out the trash and making sure my dogs are fed, I can take risks, move places, and shake mountains.
So I get a new job.
And how do my parents react? With no support at all. But this one.. i know that it's not an opportunity i can let up merely because my parents are unhappy with me. I know i would be kicking myself if i let this one go and every morning wonder as i get ready for work the "what ifs." But I'm ready to lose, fail or be successful before allowing the what ifs to butt in this time.
Let's go.
Monday 31 August 2009
Random THoughts.
Halfway in my 2.5 week mini break.
Was feeling pretty lethargic in the past couple of days, doing absolutely nothing. But I'm excited for productive days, like tomorrow.
Tomorrow a friend and I are going to spend the latter part of our day, sitting at one of those hip little artsy coffee shops downtown, and apply to as many jobs as we can possibly find. I've already found one. potential sweet job. Will tell you about it after a decision has been made.
I have to make this quick because I'm about to leave my computer post, but. Even with the heat wave rolling in, 20 SOMETHINGS, DONT GET DISCOURAGED, or lethargic! I hate those days when I've been lounging on the couch for 4-5 hours watching Anthony Bourdain or Dog Whisperer marathons, and the one time i get up to use the rest room, I get a major head rush. No bueno.
SUre we're allowed to have that every now andthen, but when you're on your break ant least act like you are on one and do things outside of the home!
Okay this was a really crappy post, but I'll be back with something more interesting.
PAYCE.
Was feeling pretty lethargic in the past couple of days, doing absolutely nothing. But I'm excited for productive days, like tomorrow.
Tomorrow a friend and I are going to spend the latter part of our day, sitting at one of those hip little artsy coffee shops downtown, and apply to as many jobs as we can possibly find. I've already found one. potential sweet job. Will tell you about it after a decision has been made.
I have to make this quick because I'm about to leave my computer post, but. Even with the heat wave rolling in, 20 SOMETHINGS, DONT GET DISCOURAGED, or lethargic! I hate those days when I've been lounging on the couch for 4-5 hours watching Anthony Bourdain or Dog Whisperer marathons, and the one time i get up to use the rest room, I get a major head rush. No bueno.
SUre we're allowed to have that every now andthen, but when you're on your break ant least act like you are on one and do things outside of the home!
Okay this was a really crappy post, but I'll be back with something more interesting.
PAYCE.
Tuesday 25 August 2009
Tuesday 18 August 2009
living with the parentals
drank quite a bit last night and REALLY didnt feel like driving home. slept over @ eric's and left a message on mommy's phone saying that i "drank too much wine with the girls and didn't think that i should drive".
mom or dad didn't get mad or even call to yell at me.
mixed feelings.
had to lie about going out and being a responsible drinker.
22, living at home, and still having to worry about mommy and daddy getting mad at me for coming home late.
surprised that i didn't get shit from them.
oh, to live at hoome with the parentals in my 20 somethings.
mom or dad didn't get mad or even call to yell at me.
mixed feelings.
had to lie about going out and being a responsible drinker.
22, living at home, and still having to worry about mommy and daddy getting mad at me for coming home late.
surprised that i didn't get shit from them.
oh, to live at hoome with the parentals in my 20 somethings.
Monday 3 August 2009
Like a blind man who's just been given his sight back.
It's nearing the end of my internship here at the Getty, and there's so many things I've learned about myself and about the art world.
Today, I'd like to share one insight, and that is what to do with all of the contacts I've acquired.
I use the analogy of a blind man (me) who's just been given his sight, after never experiencing it before. Light feels like soemthing so foreign and so awesome that it alsmost becomes too much to bear and he would rather crawl back into the darkness of fear and insecurity. On a lesser degree, I've been given a lot of potentially valuable connections, but I'm not sure what to do with them. Sure, I've come to discover that we have a lot of mutual friends, but then comes the hard and arduous task of figuring out which contacts are more valuable than others. Becoming familiar with their personalities because you only really have one shot at making a good impression. Avoid writing empty emails, with empty promises filled with phrases like "Hey! We should have coffee some time!"
Anyway, I'm a little lost with all of these opportunities. Then there's the job search, then there's my second-priority personal life.
How to juggle all this....
Today, I'd like to share one insight, and that is what to do with all of the contacts I've acquired.
I use the analogy of a blind man (me) who's just been given his sight, after never experiencing it before. Light feels like soemthing so foreign and so awesome that it alsmost becomes too much to bear and he would rather crawl back into the darkness of fear and insecurity. On a lesser degree, I've been given a lot of potentially valuable connections, but I'm not sure what to do with them. Sure, I've come to discover that we have a lot of mutual friends, but then comes the hard and arduous task of figuring out which contacts are more valuable than others. Becoming familiar with their personalities because you only really have one shot at making a good impression. Avoid writing empty emails, with empty promises filled with phrases like "Hey! We should have coffee some time!"
Anyway, I'm a little lost with all of these opportunities. Then there's the job search, then there's my second-priority personal life.
How to juggle all this....
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)